Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Dear Old Man Winter...

I've written to you a few years back, so I know you remember me. As I write this, I'm at home, waiting for the next bout of snow that is expected to befall me within the next few hours. I need to tell you that this snow is not appreciated. Yes, kids love it and we all enjoy a day or two off of work, but we are Southerners. We don't do snow, at least, we don't do snow this often. Remember 2 weeks ago when you totally shut down the states of Alabama and Georgia? Yeah, that's how we do snow. Well, I take that back. The actual way we do snow is like this. Threat of snow is posed to us--we freak out. Severely freak out. You can't get into the parking lot at the grocery store, they only have hamburger buns left in the bread aisle, and don't you even think about buying a gallon of milk because it's long gone. Then, we shut everything down for the next few days--schools, government buildings, everything. Usually Walmart is the only place still open when the snow actually falls. Well, there and hospitals. Anyway...I digress. Then we all sit at home eating our bread and drinking our milk while it proceeds to flurry, or maybe it doesn't snow at all. It doesn't matter--the fear of snow is enough to buy you at least 2 days off of school. If we hear 32 degrees and there has been any precipitation in the last 48 hours, we are convinced that the roads will freeze and we just stay home. Did you get that, we STAY HOME. When people were all up in arms because Atlanta was gridlocked and full of wrecks and people had to spend the night in their cars last week during the storm, I was surprised it wasn't worse. You see, we didn't know snow was coming. We were told that the snow was going to hit far south of us--like at the beach south. If you were wondering the beach is about 5 hours from my house and therefore about the same distance from Atlanta. If we had even thought a flake of snow MIGHT possibly fall, we would have shut 'er down and stayed home. However, the fact that the South was at work proves that we had NO idea. What happened when it did start snowing? We panicked---we had no bread and milk--we don't have chains on our tires--we don't know how to drive in snow! We also all left work at the same exact time--it was like leaving a football game at the very end--you are better off just staying put for a good hour before you even think about pulling out of the parking space because you are going to be parked on the on ramp to the interstate for at least that long.
Now you may be chiding me and saying that we should be prepared for weather like this! Well, I'll have you know we have snow once a year--maybe. It's just not good business to be prepared for something that rarely causes a problem. Instead, we prepare by buying staples and staying home! Had we been prepared last time there wouldn't have been any drama. Now, because there was, we are all running scared. That's why I'm sitting here, staring out of the window at nothing. Not even rain. It might start snowing in an hour or 2, as expected, but I've basically been home all day, minus a quick errand and stop by the office. If it gets worse, like they say it will, I ask that you just be kind. Let us have some nice white powdery snow for the kids (and me) to play in and then you can start warming it up by about 10am so we get to sleep in but we can still carry on with our lives. I don't have time for this many snow days, and neither does anybody else down here, ok?
And while I'm asking for favors, why don't you just go ahead and warm up all the way. I don't need 80's yet, but a consistent stream of 60 degree days would be nice. Heck, I'll even take 50. We don't do 32, no siree, and I'm actually quite appalled at your behavior because I know you know that. You're just being tacky.
Anyway, I hope we are all on the same page now and we can resume with our regular programming--you staying far far away from us and me whining about how cold I am when it's 55 out.
I remain yours always,
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1 comment:

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